Status Update...Side Chick
Lately, I've noticed the increased and casual use of the term "side-chick," and it completely blew my mind to see that so many women and young girls were fine with being called such a derogatory term that not only discounts their worth, but also makes them appear to be desperate and incapable of loving themselves. When did we as women become so desperate for flowers, dinner and a movie, or a meaningless roll in the hay that we began to settle for being the "side-chick"?
For those that don't know what a side chick is, the side chick as defined by the urban dictionary, is a female that one keeps around strictly for sex, unbeknownst to his main girl. Sadly enough, in today's world this has become more often then not the norm for women of all ages and professions. Don't get me wrong, being the other woman isn't anything new and the media and music industry definitely know how to exploit the situation and capitalize off it. Take for instance, the recent Fox movie The Other Woman starring Cameron Diaz that grossed $24.7 million on it's debut at the box office, which put a comedic spin on the tragic outcomes of not one but, 2 woman playing the side chick(s); or the countless songs over the years Down Low (R. Kelly), The Other Woman (Changing Faces), and Last Time (Trey Songz) just to name a few, that most if not all of us have listen to at some point which all glorify women being the side chicks.
But, the question that remains unanswered and can vary from woman to woman is how a women allows herself to become a side chick and what steps should she take to fix her situation. Therefore, when we made the decision to speak on this topic we wanted to find someone that had some knowledge of the subject and was open and willing to share their insight on the steps that a woman playing the role of a side chick should think about and do in order to get herself out of such a degrading situation. So, I reached out to Relationships Examiner Tara Carr from Examiner.com, whose article "The Other Woman: Stop Being the Chick On the Side," took my thoughts and presented them perfectly.
When I contacted Tara and asked if she would be willing to take time out of her busy schedule to answer a few questions, she didn't hesitate to say Yes, expressing to me that this was one of her favorite articles and she herself has had many friends take on the side chick role without even realizing how degrading it really is. I hope that my interview with Tara and the insight from her article can in someway leave you feeling inspired.
DT: As a professional woman, do you find that there are a lot of women at the professional level who are OK with being the "side chick?" Or often find themselves in the "side chick" role?
TC: I have noticed a lot of women at the professional level who are okay with being the "side chick". The truth, it doesn't matter if you're a teacher, a businesswoman, a doctor, lawyer, whatever. Any woman is capable of falling for this trap. And finding herself in this situation. That's why you have to be careful what type of behavior you accept and what type of person you allow into your life.
DT: Why do you feel this is?
TC: I believe the reason we are starting to see more and more women as side chicks is because most of them don't even realize that they are side chicks. They just think they're on deck. Next up. Waiting patiently. Sadly, they actually believe him when he says he'll end it. But we all know, that never happens. Also, women who are side chicks think they have to settle for someone who will give them any attention (even if it's not their full attention). They don't see the amazing man God has in store for them, so instead of waiting patiently, they just try to make this side chick situation work. And they just tell themselves that they enjoy it. That they like the lack of commitment because it gives them free time. Keep lying to yourself boo!
DT: Do you believe that the media for instance; music, and shows like Scandal, & Being Mary Jane, etc...have influenced women into thinking that being the "side chick" is acceptable?
TC: I'm honestly not sure if shows like Scandal, Being Mary Jane, etc. are a case of life imitating art or art imitating life. Music and shows are just a form of entertainment, but they are also a sign of where we are as a society right now. Watching shows and listening to music that normalize being the chick on the side is fine, but we have to realize that those are just songs and shows. Don't let Mary Jane and Liv ruin your life. Those are just characters on a TV show. I actually wrote an article entitled "Why are all of the powerful Black women on TV promiscuous?" I was very disappointed to see Gabrielle Union and Viola Davis' characters sleeping with married men. I could justify Olivia Pope with enough creativity, but after awhile it becomes very difficult to justify multiple grown women sleeping with married men.
DT: What heartfelt advice would you give to a friend who is known as the "side chick?"
TC: My advice to a friend who is in a "side chick" relationship would be to think about what advice she would give me if the situation was reversed. Any decent woman would tell her friend that she deserves more than to be belittled as just the chick on the side. It's better to wait for the right guy who will shower you with the right kind of affection than to settle for someone who will only be with you when it's convenient for them.
Remember, no matter what you go through in life good or bad, you have to love yourself enough to demand what your worth. Trust me, you'll be glad that you did!
-Dayatra N. Towles
Tara Carr "Richmond African American Relationships Examiner," is a regular contributor to Examiner.com who shares her views on love and life. Tara holds a B.A. in Communication Studies with a concentration in Mass Media from Longwood University. While at Longwood, Tara wrote a relationship advice column entitled "Sex in the Ville" for three years in the student newspaper, The Rotunda.